The world is different today.
And dating is very different than it has ever been.
Consider these facts for a moment. It’s not fun to read, and it won’t brighten your day – but it explains why we struggle and suffer in the minefield of shattered or non-existent dating relationships. It will help you understand why dating is more like dating hell!
I could cite many factors that caused this situation, but consider a few of the major ones.
- Women and MoneyWomen’s role and status in society and in the workplace, in particular, has changed dramatically. Women have opportunities today that their mothers could only dream about.
And I applaud that, many of these changes were long overdue and badly needed.But this also created dramatic changes in how women relate to men – and not for the better. The National Bureau of Economic Research says that, as of 2003, US four-year college graduates tallied 135 women for every 100 men. Forty-five years earlier, that number showed 160 male graduates for every 100 female graduates.And that’s a good thing, we can’t deny that but you know what else it’s meant?
Today a lot of women also decide to spend their twenties focusing on their careers too.
So, now both men and women often spend the first decade or two of their adult life focused on their career goals instead of personal happiness.
And women’s earning power has skyrocketed and many no longer need men financially, so when you try to strike up a conversation with some woman in her twenties or thirties she may well ignore you, because she’s focused on her career and she doesn’t need your money. And if you are too charming it will simply upset her plans and today a lot of women have plans.
2. The Social Freezer
And somehow all these social, cultural, and technological changes have created a real social freezer. Part of it definitely is related to the sexual harassment policies that exist everywhere. Most guys are terrified to so much as look at a woman at work, because who knows, one innocent comment can get you fired.
I’m not making any excuse for the assholes who do sexually harass women, but let’s face it none of us know where the line between friendly and flirtatious stops and sexual harassment begins, so for the most part none of us want to say anything.
We all end up frozen in fear and uncertainty.
Is it any wonder the United States is considered the second least flirtatious country in the world? Women, with their high-brow, ultra strict restrictions and expectations have bled all the fun, lightheartedness, and joy in life that men and women enjoy in so many other cultures.
And the new technologies of social media, cell phones, and digital cameras just made it worse. Give a woman your business card and in an hour she will probably know everything about you or at least she will think she knows everything about you.
And if she ends up on you Facebook account, well that can be interesting to say the least.
And this all works the same way for women too.
When was the last time you felt comfortable telling jokes around women? Don’t you hate how you have to tiptoe around, watch your use of certain phrases or words, and be so damn vigilant about how you speak, for fear of offending some women’s sensibilities?
And you know the worst part of this? It means that every day, you and I need to give up a part of our spontaneity, our uniqueness, I’ll even go so far as to say our charm – just so we fit in and don’t step on some poor defenseless woman’s toes.
What do you think the price is for this? I’d say we compromise who we really are, we take on a role, a persona, that isn’t really who we are. And women wonder why men aren’t genuine, honest, forthcoming?
REALLY!!
- Women’s Changing Roles Have Affected Male-Female Relations – The feminism movement, which charged onto the scene in the 1960’s and has gathered steam ever since, dampened and discounted the ideas of romantic love. Without a doubt, the movement had many advantages and spectacular accomplishments, but at what cost? Many men would say at the cost of the “romantic ideal” which for centuries drove men and women to meet, mix, and mate.
- It’s no secret that the romantic notions that many of us knew in the 50’s, 60’s, or even the 70’s, are now considered laughable, sappy, out of date and as popular as men in hats.The bottom line is that many of us who attempt to bring a soft, warm, inviting approach to women may be doomed, if not outright laughed at, or ridiculed. I don’t know about you, but I hesitate to show my “nice guy” side many times because it’s just not cool.
Approach a woman like that and you might be looked upon as weak, effeminate, and certainly not the kind of a man many women would consider prize dating material. There goes another piece of yourself, offered on the altar of political correctness and woman’s sense of what’s good.
Have you had experiences like this, either in the dating world, or worse yet, in a relationship? A lot of men I know have. And it’s one of the reasons so many men have dropped out, figuring a life alone looks shades better than the kind of treatment they encounter in the dating world.
- The Disposable Man, The Disposable Relationship You know the numbers: more than 1 in 2 American marriages march inevitably toward divorce court – and second marriages fare even worse!But we all know, most divorces are prompted by a man going through a middle age crisis and running off with a younger woman, right?Not so fast: According to a 2012 study conducted by the American Association of Retired People (AARP), more than two-thirds of divorces and a much higher number of separations, in the 40-50 age group, were initiated by women.There are a lot of reasons for this, but let’s face it, the bottom line is that you and I are more disposable in a woman’s eyes, whether in marriage, as the study cites, or in dating. If you consider women’s elevated status in the workplace and couple it with the attitudinal changes brought about by the women’s movement, our chances diminish rapidly.
These numbers bear out the fact that people are often more inclined to chuck the marriage than work to make it successful. And do you suppose this disposable view of marriages carries over to the dating world? No question, it does. Factor in the fluidity of movement in our society generally, and it becomes a big contributor to the destruction of the dating world as we once knew it.
