Meet hot Japanese women. From cute Japanese girls to classy women looking for marriage, dating them is easier than ever.
Japanese mail order brides are said to be a thing of the past. Wrong! Japanese brides have changed a lot over time but they are still very real. And still very available. So buckle in, we are going on the Tokyo dating rollercoaster!
Japan, itself, is a country that needs no introductions. It has consistently been ranked as one of the top-performing economies in Asia. Which is the source of confusion over whether Japanese mail order brides even exist in the modern era.
Believe it or not, even developed nations like Japan have their fair share of mail order brides.
Admittedly, they are not in the same kinds of numbers as their neighbors offer. And even more so as compared to the number that there used to be. They aren’t the easiest people to come across on the internet but rest assured they do exist.
So, what gives?
This hardly needs mentioning, but dating in the US and in Japan are extremely different ball games. There are a few things that are done differently, however, since the Western view of marriage and relationships has been slowly seeping into Japanese culture for the last decade or so.
Understanding Japanese Culture
Japanese culture is so different from Western culture, it might take a few years to fully acquaint yourself with it. Going in blind and trying to date a Japanese woman without knowing anything about where she comes from will get you pretty frustrated with how she behaves.
Understanding her culture is of great benefit if you want to understand why she does some of the things she does.
The best advice you can receive regarding this is to either take classes on certain aspects of Japanese culture in your country or attend them once you land in Japan. There are plenty of places on the internet you can educate yourself about it, of course, but that will hardly prepare you for experiencing it in real life.
Certain things in Japan are frowned upon, but not often mentioned. For instance, they prefer men who do not drink.
One thing a whole lot of people often neglect is that majority of Asia – Japan included – doesn’t speak nor understand a word of English. While you’re at the task of learning about Japanese culture, it’s definitely worth it to pick up a word or two of Japanese. Women like someone that can make them laugh – but Western jokes don’t usually translate well into Japanese culture because of… you guessed it! The culture! If you make a lot of pun-based jokes, for instance, there will be some major misfires.
Western culture is surprisingly widespread in Japan, but they don’t adopt everything blindly. How Japan integrates other cultures into theirs is more ‘assimilation’ than ‘adoption’ since it involves adding a certain twist on top of them.
It could be ‘kawaii-fying’ it or ‘anime-ing’ it. Or any one of the thousand different things Japan culture is subject to.
The Dating Culture In Japan
Despite the variances in culture between Japan and the US, a lot of things concerning this space are the same. These include the manner in which contact with the opposite sex is initiated. One key thing to note, especially with the Japanese is to never rush physical intimacy.
That said, the one you’ll notice is that physical intimacy takes a significantly longer time. Even the lowest levels of physical intimacy such as holding hands and kissing are going to require patience.
There are always exceptions to the rule, of course. But for the most part, the Japanese are not too keen on rushing intimacy. This is perhaps mostly driven by the fact that any physical displays of intimacy in public are largely looked down upon.
Before which, it’s perhaps more important to realize that one of the cornerstones of Japanese culture is proper behavior. This is achieved when you put other people’s emotions before your own. Everyone must be considerate of the other, even if it means sacrificing their own immediate desires.
Touching the back of a girl’s neck has also been considered a taboo for quite some time, alongside kissing in public. So much so, in fact, that kissing was explicitly banned in Japanese films after WWII. It was repealed about three years later.
The story goes that the first Japanese actors to kiss on film after the lifting of the ban were so nervous that they had to put a gauze between their lips to do it.
The Phases Of Dating Japanese Women
Dating in Japan typically follows a predictably easy pattern to follow.
The first part is referred to as gokon. Normally, a group of friends just get together and hang out. The guy approaches whoever he is interested in and typical flirting follows. This goes on for a number of times until the two are comfortable being around each other – going to get a coffee together, for example. This still isn’t the dating phase, however. It’s more like a ‘compatibility-testing phase.’
If the two feel they get along with each other well enough, they move into the next phase – kokuhaku. This is the dating phase. Now, unlike Western ideals of what a date is supposed to be, the Japanese version could catch you completely off guard. It’s potentially one of the most uncomfortable things you may ever have to do.
Initiating the dating process usually involves professing your love for the other person. This could be really uncomfortable for someone raised with Western ideals since the concept of love is one that’s supposed to signify extremely strong desire.
However, in Japan, the closest thing it translates to is ‘I like you’ as in English. There’s no specific phrase that differentiates ‘liking’ from ‘loving.’ The only hope is that you will be deeply integrated enough not to feel cringy. The man typically does this, but nothing stops the woman from doing it, either.
Arranged Marriages In Japan
If you haven’t picked up on it yet, love isn’t held to such high regard among the Japanese as with people from the West. In ancient times, it was said that love was more likely to happen between a prostitute and his customer than a wife and her husband. This is perhaps due to the fact that as much as 70% of marriages were arranged by parents as recently as 1973.
It was viewed more as an event to bring different families together than settle people who love being together.
The number of arranged marriages sits at about 10% today. But a lot of the ideas from the old days still persist today. Some of the most important things women look for in a husband include education level, how close one is to their family and compatibility. But wait, compatibility is often determined by…numerology and astrology. That said, for the most part, these ideas only exist among those who live in rural areas.
Traditional Mail Order Brides From Japan
Japan has been consistently ranked as one of the highest-performing countries in the world by GDP, currently sitting behind just the US and China. Interestingly, Chinese brides are common, once again dispelling the myth of Asian brides only coming from poor countries.
However, a few things about the country’s culture still make it a popular destination for foreigners looking to marry a local.
Traditional gender roles
Traditionally, women were supposed to be the caretakers and caregivers. From a young age, girls were taught to be respectful, quiet and timid.
A lot of men who came to visit were impressed by this and sought to marry the women for this reason exactly.
As you might know by now, a lot of marriages in traditional Japan were arranged, and there isn’t much to be said about that. With regard to international marriages, things get a little more interesting, however.
According to data provided by the Japanese Ministry of Health and Welfare, 1 in 30 marriages in Japan involves a foreigner. This may seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things but it’s a great leap from the 4,000 marriages in 1965 to 44,000 in 2006. It has since greatly slowed to about 20,000 in 2014 thanks to new laws.
Women are treated much better than they used to be, and the economy has grown rapidly over the past couple of decades. Meaning there isn’t as much reason for locals to look to other countries for prospective partners.
Modern Japanese Mail Order Brides
Modern gender roles
Gender roles are one of the most divisive issues in a lot of Japanese relationships. A lot of foreigners come into Japan thinking their women are these quiet, reserved geishas whose sole role is to cater to their husband. This has been further exacerbated by Western media that continually depicts them in that light.
Ironically enough, one of the main reasons Japanese women marry foreign men is that they will be given larger degrees of freedom than being locked into their own culture allows.
In short, traditional gender roles are being continually eroded in favor of more modern ideals. Women want to work and be self-sustaining, but such women are often considered not doing enough for their families. Which further leads women to either marry late or not all. But more on that later.
Japan’s population has been declining for the last few decades running. This in spite of the rapid industrialization and one of the highest per-capita output. This isn’t an economics lecture. But it’s important to understand why and how this affected the number of people getting married.
One reason for the declining population and perhaps the most significant is that women are getting married later than they usually did. This often means less children, especially considering that children are exclusively associated with marriage. Children outside wedlock are generally looked down upon.
Second of all, the men prefer to get married to younger women who are less educated than they are. A lot of women are very well-educated, and the number keeps increasing. And they prefer not to marry less-educated men themselves.
The average marriage age is currently 29.0 for women and 30.2 for men. Of which, up to half of those who fall below the average only got married because of the woman falling pregnant.
Modern Japanese women do not like inequality in marriage, while men do – when it favors them. Men do not want to get married to a woman who wants household chores to be split evenly. And if there’s one thing you should always keep in mind about the Japanese, particularly men, is that they are incredibly stubborn. Getting them to change their views would be much harder than teaching a preschooler elementary calculus.
What does all this mean?
Statistics take a lot of time, data and work to interpret, but a few trends have so far been noticed with the preliminary data available.
Most significantly of all, there has been an increased interest in Japanese women getting married to Western men. Jackpot, right? Well, only kind of.
What To Expect From A Japanese Bride
With all that said, there are a few things that are worth mentioning about how Japanese women and foreign men relate, especially with regard to Westerners. Getting a date is the easy part as long as you know how to communicate.
Western ideals are really looked upon in a reverent way in Japan. From brands to cars, and, of course, men. This is in great part due to the media. Regardless of why, it works out great for western guys.
Hooking up with a girl is also just as easy since guys from western countries are looked up to as superstars. Looking for a serious relationship takes a lot more work, discussed in part in the next section.
Lastly, even if you do manage to get into a relationship, there’s one thing she will expect. Regardless of who brings the bread home, the woman is in charge of keeping the house in order. Including the finances.
Some people think it falls in the same light as traditional norms. But it’s a crucial aspect to take note of in serious relationships. She may not claim to be the one who ‘should’ but finds herself doing it anyway.
Best Place To Meet Japanese Women
Mail order brides agencies tend not to have the number of women looking for marriage that the other countries do, as mentioned earlier. So that leaves you with a few options. And all of these options have their place:
- On the street – If you like adventure, you can go and try to meet Japanese girls at restaurants, on the street, at hostess clubs or through friends.
- Introduction agencies – You can chat with and meet Japanese girls for a fee (often a steep one).
- Executive matchmakers – Matchmakers can set you up with one of the pool of women that have signed on with them (for an even steeper fee).
- Dating websites – A lot of available women that want to meet foreigners are on international dating sites.
There are a lot of ways to meet Japanese women but there is a basic trade-off between money and time/effort. You can spend less money and put more time and effort in. Say, by cold approaching Japanese girls. Or building a social circle.
Or you can spend money for companies to cut through the hassle and match you more directly. Ideally with women who are motivated to meet you.
Dating sites are something of a middle ground. They don’t cost as much as a matchmaker. But you will need to filter through some profiles on your own. You can find Japanese singles on both the international dating site as well as the Asian-specific dating sites.
Challenges Of Dating Japanese Girls
Language and culture
Getting a hot Japanese girlfriend is one thing, but most people will underestimate the kinds of challenges that cultural differences can present. Learning Japanese is notoriously tough. And getting used to the more nuanced aspects of Japanese culture is a whole book by itself.
Learning when to bow, how to bow and why to bow take some time to get used to. And might seem a little silly.
For people hoping to take advantage of direct translation and pass themselves off as naive foreigners are also in for a great surprise since a lot of phrases in English do not translate very well. It takes a lot more effort, patience, and understanding than most people realize. It’s not like the culture shock goes just one way, either. She will often be shocked by things you do and why you do them, too.
Japanese culture is majorly based around respect and how you treat other people. The men tend to be indirect in their way of approaching girls and are encouraged to be tactful rather than straightforward brutes. It’s pretty easy to be considered rude and inconsiderate if you’ve never been exposed to the culture.
A word on these dating challenges
Cultural differences are a big thing. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. However, it’s not to mean it’s impossible to work through them and reach a compromise.
Lots of people have done it before, so it’s definitely possible. Emotional connection is extremely important for anyone looking to build something lasting with anyone else. It’s important not to rush to conclusions based on your decision on a lack of research.
The most important thing is for both of you to weigh out your compatibility. How well you agree on important aspects of life such as religion and kids. And do it before you get too deep int he relationship. Don’t jump in with poorly-informed preconceived notions about the Japanese in general and expect all these rules to apply to every single person.
Individuality is a thing. Every person has their own unique biases and preferences.
This article has highlighted some of the most common parts of what it’s like to date and marry a Japanese woman. Of course, it’s by no means exhaustive. We have noted rule exceptions where possible but you will need to explore your own.
Take everything with a grain of salt and go out to experience the culture yourself. It will surprise you how great the divide between reading about it and actually being through it make.