Last Updated: Oct 8th, 2018
Chinese women are some of the most mysterious and beautiful Asian women you could hope to marry. And they are available for dating and marriage.
Dating & Marrying A Chinese Woman
Somebody once told me that you will find the most beautiful women in China. Seeing that I had lived in both the Philippines and Thailand, I was rather dubious about that statement. After 5 years living in China, I might have to begrudgingly agree.
China still remains a bit of a mystery to the dating game. Correction, used to be a mystery, but the opening up of the country and the way it has embraced good old hedonism has shown us just what good looking women the Chinese are and how adept they have become with dating sites and finding a marriage partner.
Here’s why Chinese women are so available to western guys
In the past 30 years, many western guys have made the move to China and found a lovely Chinese bride in the Middle Kingdom. Many have also taken their wives back to their country to live. The reason being that close ties in Chinese families can, at times, have a stressful impact on married couples residing in China.
Having said that, the dating scene is a bit of a minefield. While brothels and similar venues are illegal, they continue operating, despite being banned. A common occurrence in many countries, of course.
The Tier 1 cities like Beijing, Shenzhen, Guangzhou and Shanghai have lots of opportunities for a young guy to find and date an attractive Chinese girl. Just like other SE Asian countries, they will seek you out. Chinese girls have a fascination for western men. Trust me, when I was there, having girls approach you on the street was intimidating and wonderful at the same time.
Chinese women want to learn English from you
Sometimes it’s under the pretext of wanting to learn English that a young lady will approach a western guy. Other times it’s straight forward, “I like you!” Many a relationship has started from an English native speaker providing lessons to an eager student. And if it doesn’t work out, you can always take pride in that old adage of leaving people better than you found them. I actually enjoyed the English lessons, even when I wasn’t sure of her romantic interest.
The rapid westernization of China means that you can eat and have a coffee at Starbucks, McDonalds, Burger King, Kentucky Fried and a Pizza Hut with an almost guaranteed chance that a sexy young Chinese girl will approach you and ask to sit down.
Despite what I imagined before I spent a year living there, most are actually not all that shy.
Communicating With Chinese Women
If you can download WeChat, QQ and Skype, you can be hit on by Chinese females at any time of the day. If you’re in the USA or Canada or the UK, you better turn your device off or log off those chat apps when you go to bed, because they don’t seem to have any understanding of the time difference.
Oh but let me warn you about one thing that I am embarrassed to say, I totally misunderstood. Be careful when they use the term ‘play’ with you when chatting. It doesn’t mean what you think it means. Boy, did that make my conversation awkward, one time!
Both Wechat and QQ have a search function so if nobody is looking for you, then you can go looking for them.
Warning 1. Unlike other SE Asian countries, finding an English speaking Chinese girl while searching those apps will be difficult. Although both systems have a translation function, they are not very good and misunderstandings are common.
Setting Up A Date
Chinese girls are starting to get very independent, so if you spend some time online with them, they will be more than happy to meet you. Your problem is getting around China without being able to speak the language.
If you meet a Chinese girl in one of the big cities, that will probably be a cake walk. Signs are usually in English and Chinese. If you’re meeting in a smaller town, you best make it the hotel or the airport.
The level of English that she can speak will play a huge role in the success of your dating visit.
Warning 2. The Chinese food served in restaurants in China bear no relationship whatsoever to Chinese food you buy in western-based Chinese restaurants. Be prepared to eat lots of strange stuff, but mostly all good. Still, if you are expecting Panda Express like I was, you will be in for a shock. And yes, before you ask, dog is still eaten in a couple of provinces.
Traditional Chinese Women
You’re going to hear that a lot. They are all traditional Chinese girls, so they say. There is definitely a big difference between the savvy and know-how of the girls in the Tier 1 cities compared to the tier 3, 4 and 5 cities. An immense difference actually.
Don’t be surprised to discover that Chinese women from smaller cities don’t know a lot outside of China, don’t know a lot about sex and appear to act like 14–15-year-olds! You might even second guess yourself and start to wonder how you are going to develop a serious relationship with her.
Warning 3. Chinese women want to be married by age 22-23. Have a baby at age 24. That’s the tradition. After the age of 25, she risks become a “Sheng nu”, an unwanted woman no matter how desirable she might be to you and me.
Which China is better for westerners?
When we talk about China, we mean the Chinese mainland. This does not include Hong Kong, Macau and Taiwan, all of which are very un-Chinese, compared to the mainland.
Because there are many western guys in those places, you have competition. On the mainland, it’s a bit like bobbing for apples. So many beautiful girls, so little time, might be how you feel.
Travelling in China with your girl
The rail system in China is probably one of the best in the world for the frequency of trains and comfort in the carriages. You can sit or lie down with 2 different levels in the sleeper cabins.
However, you never get to sleep alone. You either share with 3 others or 5 others. I highly recommend that you find a Chinese partner, girlfriend, travel companion, whatever, before embarking on touring the country. She will be invaluable for ordering tickets, food and accommodation.
Hopefully, you can turn that into a travel romance.
Warning 4. Your acceptance as a western boyfriend will be difficult, almost impossible, on a short term visit. Be aware that with 23 million more men than women in China the Chinese men don’t like you stealing their ladies.
What It’s Like To Be Married To A Chinese Woman
First of all, it’s incredibly important to understand that every woman you meet is going to be different. It’s pretty hard to pin down every single woman in a country of over a billion people with the same characteristics. However, ignoring the personality issues, some cultural differences are likely to arise, regardless.
What she expects from you
It’s been said a million times over that culture makes us who we are. The majority of Chinese people are pretty traditional in the sense that they don’t base their relationships off equality like most modern Western relationships. For that reason, she’s going to act differently from any of the previous women you’ve ever dated, assuming you’ve never dated a Chinese woman before.
The secret to a happy relationship is to be picky with who you want to date – they need to want the same things as you or there is going to be turmoil. For example, if you’re the kind that likes submissive women and she loves dominant men, you two are very compatible in that sense. Compromising should be relatively easy in such a case.
If you find yourself courting a Chinese woman that wants a traditional relationship and you’re all for modern equality, there will be some awkwardness. She wants you to make the decision because you’re the man, and yet you want to know what she thinks. In their culture, being a man is very different from what most Westerners are taught.
Being as conservative as they are, too, don’t be too shocked by women who know close to nothing about sex. If they say they’ve never done it and are genuinely curious, there’s a not-so-insignificant chance they are telling the truth.
Speaking of sex, Chinese women tend to view sex as something you do ‘on the way to marriage’, much like it used to be in the west. Many Chinese women will essentially consider sex to be a promise to get married. Now, some beautiful Chinese women, especially the ones in larger cities or with more exposure to western influence, may not be so conservative. But it’s something to keep in mind.
You may also have heard of the term ‘sheng nu’ which translates from Mandarin as ‘leftover woman,’ made popular by a four-minute documentary released in April, 2016. To people from the West, it may be a new term, but the Chinese are all too familiar with it. It refers to a woman over the age of 27 who is unwed – a growing body of women who prefer to seek education and their own financial independence than their parents. According to their culture, the message is clear: if you’re unmarried, you’re doing something wrong.
What to expect from her
Aside from the compatibility issues that we’ve already covered, we’d be lying if we said you’re going to it without expectations of your own. The most relevant thing to mention is that beauty standards in China lie within a pretty narrow spectrum.
Being tall is a desirable trait among Chinese women. Short girls are looked down upon as having bad genes despite a lot of them having killer bodies. The paler the skin – think vampire-liker – the more sexy she is considered. This one may come as a surprise to some people, but head shape is another closely-watched factor.
The more oval the face, the prettier. Large eyes are also a huge plus and eyelid surgery is the most common cosmetic procedure in China. Small, kissable lips are also very admired in women, but it’s the least important factor this far. Lastly, they are usually very slim. You know that one Victoria’s Secret model you like so much, a bit slimmer than that.
Stereotypes and myths
You’ll hear it in a lot of places that Chinese girls are easy. Somewhere along the way, some expats started this rumor after they were able to successfully pick up a Chinese woman at a bar. While they do tend to be a lot more open-minded than a lot of other countries, you’ll be in for quite a surprise if you don’t put any effort in approaching her.
Second of all, don’t be racist. Just don’t. It’s understandable that a lot of people peddle around the ‘Chinese people all look the same’ line over and over, but it’s an overplayed trope at this point, so you’d best not. Things like ‘all good at math,’ ‘eating dogs and cats’ and ‘slanted eyes’ jokes are also a no-no.
As a general rule, don’t go into the stereotypes. Even if you think you’re being clever or even complimentary (like ‘Asians are good at math’, it’s a territory you’re better off not exploring.
Tip: Along the same lines, you might be tempted to tell her that you have always been attracted to Asians. She may even ask you why you like Asians. Hopefully you already know this but…absolutely do not say you have always been attracted to Asians or Chinese. It’s tempting to think, from your side, that it’s a good thing because if you think Chinese women are all gorgeous, and she is Chinese, then she will see you are meant to be.
But no, Chinese women want to be loved for their individual personalities and not just ‘because they are Asian’. If your relationship is based on her nationality, then there are about 670 million more Chinese women out there.
Best Ways To Meet A Chinese Woman
To get this out of the way, most Chinese girls don’t establish platonic relationships with foreigners. There’s either a romantic relationship between the two of you or you don’t hang out at all. Of course, this isn’t necessarily always the case, and Chinese people make for some of the most interesting friendships I’ve ever had in my life.
Rather, casual dating isn’t as prevalent within China as it is as a Western concept. Dating revolves around creating a connection between the two of you whilst trying to conform to social norms. There are a lot of specific guidelines and rules to follow when pursuing one of them.
That aside, getting into the dating game can be really tricky if you don’t know anyone in China. How do you go about the business of meeting a woman to begin with?
It would be most preferable if you can make a few male friends first, and then work your way to whichever women interest you, since they prefer to meet new people through friends and acquaintances.
Once you’ve been around China for long enough, there are a whole lot of bars and nightclubs where you can meet new people in the country. With which regard, Shanghai is one of the friendliest places for new people to visit. The nights spent there are incredibly wild and there are single women at every corner of the street. These are best suited for people just looking for a one-night stand rather than a long-term relationship, however.
A romance tour is exactly what it sounds like – people in search of wives or girlfriends take them and have interactions with them in order to determine how compatible they are. China, specifically, Chongqing, often referred to as the ‘Chinese Las Vegas,’ is the most famous city for hosting these events.
Online dating sites
Online dating in China as a foreigner is quite a surreal experience. You know how most guys complain they only get two or three matches in over a month-long period? In China, foreign guys have far more luck on Tinder. Almost every woman you swipe right on is an instant match. As a good friend once told me, ‘Using Tinder in China when you’re from America is like being the star of The Bachelor.’
You are more likely to find people who speak English on Tinder than any other app, since they are more often than not more educated. The problem with this, however, is the fact that it requires a VPN to access, since you need Facebook to login. They are also often better versed with non-Chinese culture. The most popular alternatives are Momo and Tantan. If you already know Chinese, however, you’re in good hands.
Through an offline introduction agency
You could think of Tinder, OkCupid and the likes all introduction agencies. There companies, for example, Asiandate, that focus on specific kinds of match-making. However, these work differently since every person that joins has to make a face-to-face call with an employee to ensure they are for real.
How Much Does It Cost?
Travelling to meet her
Depending on the travel agency you decide to head over there with, travelling to China can cost from as little as $500. Once there, hotel tickets can cost you as little as $150 a night at places like the Beijing Double Happiness Hotel, a 3-star hotel to $200 a night at five-star hotels like the Regency, before expenses like an Uber.
Using rough estimates of the most popular hosts in China, a typical two-week-long romance tour will cost about $4,000. This includes meals and tours to some very lovely places all over the country, together with guaranteed meetings with at least four single women during the time-frame. If they are a trusted site, hidden fees like ‘single supplement fees’ and ‘back-end fees’ shouldn’t be a problem.
What do the costs cover?
Different companies offer different services, but the most common themes include:
- Transportation costs for getting you to different ends of the country, most times by private means.
- A translator who will be present with you and your date at every social event.
- Entry fees to any tourist destination you wish to visit.
- A short orientation of different aspects of Chinese culture. Proper etiquette – what to do and what to avoid are all covered, together with how to properly pronounce Chinese names and how to address the women.
- The meals should all be covered for. Breakfasts, lunch and dinner should be provided over the duration of the trip.
- Proper accommodation at a 4 or five star hotel for every night spent in the country should also be on their tab. Most times, upgrades are available with an additional cost.
However, some costs are totally up to you to take care of. These include things like:
- An air ticket to get you into the country.
- The cost of acquiring and processing a visa.
- Fees for things like excess luggage.
- Food that has not been specifically listed as part of the tour, including alcoholic beverages.
- Emergency incidents. For this you’ll want to get travel insurance from a local or international firm.
Your Trip To China
China has the largest population in the world, and is home to the world’s most spoken language – Mandarin. For which reason, it’s also the most diverse place on earth in terms of culture and even language. It’s also one of the most visited countries in the world, with over 60 million tourists pouring in just to see the beautiful sights.
Despite Western media’s attempts to color China as a soon-to-be dystopian state, the country is actually more welcoming towards foreigners than ever. Life in China is also pretty different from the kind of lifestyle most Americans and Europeans are used to. Food is cheaper and served in magnitudes more quantity, transportation is faster (and cheaper!) and the streets, at least in most big cities, are a lot safer.
I’ve lived in Marseille, France, for two years and have been robbed at knife point on two different occasions – losing a few hundred dollars and my iPhone in both instances. I stayed in China, living mostly in Beijing, Wuhan and Guangzhou for an accumulative time of about five years and never once been robbed. It’s anecdotal, but illustrates the point pretty nicely, because, of course there are thieves. You need to be careful. But, all in all, China is a very safe country to go solo.
The final thing about China that’s different from the kind of life I was used to while in the States is how open, approachable and available the women are.
Some Facts About Your Future Chinese Partner
There is something inherently beautiful about Chinese women – they have a timeless beauty which has appealed to men from all corners of the globe for several hundred years now. This appeal has never faded though, and Chinese women are still seen as exotic and desirable now as they ever have been.
With a population of over 1.3 billion people the People’s Republic of China (PRC) has the largest population of any country in the world by quite a large margin.
With a population this size you’d probably imagine that China isn’t exactly a country in need of Western men looking to date Chinese women, but nothing could be further from the truth.
In fact of the 600 million women living here, there are plenty of single, beautiful and highly-desirable Chinese women looking for love.
What do you need to hear about Chinese women that you can’t learn with your eyes? These slim, shy and utterly beautiful women are lusted after by men from every other country on the planet, and envied by women everywhere too.
In addition to being naturally beautiful you’ll also find that Chinese women are highly-educated and very work oriented. This is actually less of a personal choice and more of a cultural phenomenon – the Chinese economy simply demands this.
A fascinating issue that Chinese girls face, as they grow older, is that Chinese men are increasingly shunning unmarried Chinese ladies in their late 20s – they’re literally left on the shelf no matter how stunningly beautiful, educated or financially secure they are.
You see Chinese women tend to earn more than most Chinese men, which obviously makes these same Chinese guys feel pretty insecure. And many Chinese women are highly educated so that puts yet more pressure on the guys, who are intimidated by these intelligent women.
What this means for European, Canadian and American men is that there are literally millions of stunning, intelligent, affluent young women in China who are literally dying to be romanced by a man who really cares about them.
Chinese women won’t care what your personal worth is – they have their own wealth – they’ll only care about how you treat them instead.
What Chinese women also love about western guys is that they don’t expect them to follow the ancient Chinese tradition of obeying her father, obeying her husband and then obeying her sons.
Just remember that Chinese women aren’t the submissive, doting flowers as might be portrayed in the movies, or on some dating sites, – they are loyal and faithful to a fault, but never emotional doormats.
Languages your girl might speak
There are two different variants of Chinese spoken in China: Mandarin and Cantonese. Mandarin is the most popular language, with at least 70% of the population speaking it – everyone else speaks Cantonese.
If you plan on learning conversational Chinese before traveling there it’s worth mentioning that Chinese is one of the most difficult languages to learn, period.
With that being said there’s no harm in learning to speak the native language – especially if you intend marrying a Chinese girl!
Religion and faith with Chinese women
Because China is a single party, Communist country religion here has to be officially approved. Generally speaking religion in China is a mix of Buddhism and Taoism, with some Christianity mixed in. The most recent surveys found that at little over 30% of the population of the country would regard themselves as being religious to any extent.
Communicating with her
Here, things get a little bit more interesting. Let’s say you’ve found a Chinese girl that you really fancy. The most popular way of talking to someone within the country is using WeChat. It’s pretty nifty because it even has a translate function inside it! A lot of apps that are specifically meant for talking to people outside your own country also offer similar functionality.
The downside is that the algorithms they are built on top of are often flawed and the two of you may end up misunderstanding each other quite often.
Some services also provide translators as part of the fee you pay in order to meet one of the lovely Chinese women. The obvious downside to this is that the scope of your conversations will be quite limited. You’re in luck if you already know Chinese, but this can take up to years to master.
Getting Married In China
There’s not much more to it except the elephant in the room – marriage. A lot of Chinese marriages still don’t focus around the idea of love. It’s not to say nobody marries for love – it happens a lot, but a great deal of them still marry for money and status.
In this regard, foreign guys have their work cut out for them, compared to some countries where a middle-income foreigner is rich by local standards. Don’t get me wrong, you’re automatically assumed to be of high value and girls will chase after you, due to the perception that white foreigners are rich, just like in the movies.
Another reason that Chinese women are more than happy to marry Western men is that they have a more modern outlook on life, and don’t share the outdated ultra-traditional views of most Chinese men.
There are no cultural barriers to marrying a Chinese bride – the only real barrier is language, and with a highly-educated Chinese girl you can expect her to be able to speak at least some English.
Just bear in mind that most Chinese women are from single-child families, so can be a little bit spoiled.
Having Children With Your Chinese Wife
You will have to accept some differences on child rearing. Or you may actually prefer the Chinese method. Your Chinese wife is likely to ascribe to something called “tiger parenting“, a strict regimen that involves the Chinese mother shaping her child by taking the lead and pushing their child to overcome obstacles and be their best.
Western child-rearing, by contrast, involves letting a child take the lead and express interest at his or her own pace and in the things he or she wants to pursue.
There is a lot of debate on which is more effective and if the two parenting styles can co-exist. It’s going to also be important that you find a way to make it co-exist within your marriage if your idea of how to raise children is set in stone. You were likely raised the western way so, if you want to have children with a Chinese woman, you will need to either marry one of the women who has a western mindset in this regard, or you will need to find a way to be understanding and compromise.
China – The Country
With a culture dating back thousands of years, China has often been credited as being the cradle of civilization. The country itself is the second largest in the world, but the population is slowly decreasing because of a very strict birth control policy where parents were encouraged to only raise male children.
This means that there’s now a gender gap emerging in China which will see the population of the country reduced by around 100 million people by 2050, if not sooner.
In terms of visiting the country it’s extremely safe for foreigners to do so, although you do need to watch out for two of the most popular scams when you get here.
In the ‘tea house’ scam a beautiful girl will ask you to bring her for tea, and then you get a bill for hundreds of dollars. The ‘art student’ scam involves you being forced/guilted into paying large amounts of cash for worthless pictures being sold by ‘starving’ art students.
Getting To China
China is, quite obviously, a truly massive country so you may need to use one of several airports to reach it. Hong Kong, Shanghai and Beijing are the primary airports for international arrivals, and you’ll find them served by most of the world’s major airlines.
Asian women have always been popular on the international dating scene, but with hundreds of millions of women you can be sure you’ll find at least a few single ladies for you to woo.