10 Tips for Dating Japanese Girls

Japanese girls mix sexiness and cuteness in a way no other country can. But the dating scene in Japan is tricky, especially for foreigners. Here’s what to expect.

The contrasts between dating Japanese women and women from Europe and the Americas should be immediately stark.

Maybe you tried to speak to her in Japanese and she could barely hold back her laughter due to your terrible pronunciation or you tried to tell a joke only to realize it was lost in translation.

To the uninitiated, Japanese culture is quirky, and once you get used to it, you’ll realize it’s essentially the complete opposite of Western culture. In most regards, at least.

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How do you know if that girl you’re talking to likes you or is just trying to hitch a free meal? Does no really mean no and does her yes really mean yes? And how can you tell? And how is it possible to interact with women who are known for being shy, having their heads down and avoiding eye contact at any cost?

Read on to find out.

1. Don’t Display Any Public Signs of Affection

Japanese tradition is skewed heavily towards being conservative. In other words, there are societal biases against showing public display of affection.

Making out or even hugging will get you judging glares from all sorts of people. This is especially true for the first date.

It may be pretty new to someone from the West who’s used to romantic goodbye kisses or even getting laid on the first date.

It’s not impossible as there are some counter-culture girls in Japan that do anything but follow Japanese culture.

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But you will definitely be searching for a needle in the haystack. With the one advantage that the needle is actually looking for you (more on that later).

This may seem especially strange considering some of the unusual ‘sexualization’ in Japanese culture. Love hotels, kinky mainstream Japanese comics, maid cafes, and even the opportunity to pay for cuddling.

Some areas of Japan, notably Akihabara, may also be pretty strange or ‘weaboo’ as some describe them for a first-time visitor. But even there, lasting physical contact makes it seem as if the girl is in it for the sex, IE. she’s a call girl, not your date.

2. Pay for The Dates (at first)

On the first date, most Japanese men feel that they should be the ones to pay, and that’s how it often it is with the women as well.

When going out for a Japanese woman, you should generally pick up the tab, especially on the first date. It’s usually seen as a way of treating her out to a good time.

With girls from poorer Asian countries like Cambodia, you will be paying for the date out of necessity. But despite often being quite well off, Japanese women view a man picking up the tab as a sign of being a gentleman. “It’s just the right thing to do”.

It’s also considered a way of showing you’re financially stable. And in theory, a financially stable man is also emotionally and mentally stable, too. “In theory“, I said. We all know it doesn’t always turn out like that.

However, unlike dating other Asian girls, once the dates start becoming more regular, the woman is generally expected to start carrying her own weight, too. She doesn’t want it to look like you meeting her is transactional.

3. Be Ready for A Lot of Questions About Your Status

In Japan, women generally rely on their husbands for income. In other words, they are more likely to be housewives than independent working women, even as a part-time job.

While questions regarding your income are usually in the red zone among people from the West, expect questions regarding your job, how much you earn and similar questions along those lines when out with a Japanese girl.

On the other hand, there are a group of women who are known to stick more to traditional feelings of love and honesty rather than be overly fixated on financial status.

These women are mostly from the less developed areas of the country, however. That said, there are definitely plenty of women who don’t subscribe to the same set of beliefs, even in the city.

4. Try to Learn Some Japanese

Despite how popular various forms of Japanese media are famous outside the country, and a similar popularity of Western media in Japan, the number of people who can speak English inside the country is surprisingly small.

Unless she is part of a small portion of women who purposely learn English in order to interact with foreigners, you’re not in for much luck.

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Japanese has always been infamous for being notorious to learn. But what you might have missed is that it’s the reading and writing parts that are really tough.

Learning to speak the language itself is not as difficult as you might imagine. Though there are different proficiency levels to attain, standard Japanese should be enough for you to hit it off with one of their lovely ladies.

And any efforts will be appreciated. And if you find this too daunting a task, you might consider an Asian country with a much higher level of English proficiency. You can read our guide to English-speaking Filipina girls.

5. Talk to Her as Much as You Can

One of the metrics Japanese women use to gauge how interested you are in them is how many messages you send them. This applies both before and after the date.

There don’t have to be lots of consecutive messages or extraordinarily long, but you do have to text her quite often. Don’t try too hard in the messages. Just sending them frequently is enough.

Oh, and by the way, if you don’t have Line, you should download it. It’s the most popular communication app in Japan, by far.

6. Reply to Her as Quickly as You Can

This may seem counterproductive among people who have been told that replying to messages too fast makes you look desperate.

Maybe you are afraid it will seem like you don’t have anything better to do, but things work very differently across borders.

Once you receive a text and have read it, for the love of God, don’t leave her on ‘read.’ They tend to get really offended when you don’t reply to a message after you’ve clearly read it or wait too long before you can reply.

In fact, you’re much better off texting her, “Sorry. Busy at work. Will text later” rather than not replying to her altogether.

Japanese men are very workaholic, so it won’t be out of the norm to see that kind of response.


7. Listen More than You Talk

Japanese women talk a lot. A good example is all girls parties, locally referred to as ‘joshkai’ where only women are invited to attend. It’s usually said that everyone there talks and nobody listens.

The same can be assumed to be true for most Japanese women you’re going to meet. When on a date, you’re going to want to do a lot less talking than you’re probably used to.

Look on the bright side – listening more gives you a much better chance to properly evaluate your date. The more she talks, the more you can properly align your interests with hers. Give her your attention and be interested in everything she has to say.

8. Do the Heavy Lifting

You are going to have the lead a lot more strongly than you’re probably used to. If you expect her to lead any situation – for instance, initiating a phone call, proposing a date or texting you first, you’re lost in Western life.

Unlike girls back home who likely have no problem asking for your number or even voicing their opinion about where they’d rather eat, Japanese women don’t hold the same standards. All these decisions and more are completely up to you.

Well, maybe not that extreme. Japanese women do have opinions – often very strong ones, in fact. But the point is that they are a lot more submissive and need to be led a lot more strongly than your typical American woman for example.

They still do expect equal treatment. A guy who tramples all over her is no good – but you won’t go wrong with taking the lead. Just look back once in a while to make sure she is following.

9. Get Used to Her Culture

Japanese culture isn’t homogenous. It’s built up of smaller cultures that are greatly influenced by the part of the country where the person hails from.

However, one of the many things they have in common is their love for the holidays.

In particular, Christmas is a special time, but it’s not necessarily meant to be spent with a family like the Americans will have you believe.

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Since Japan is mostly Buddhist, Shinto or non-religious altogether, Christmas is meant to be spent with the person ‘closest’ to you. The Japanese have long used this as an excuse for spending time as a couple.

10. Meeting Her Parents Matters

When the time comes to meet her parents, it’s the turning point for your relationship. It means she’s thinking about getting married to you, and her parents know as much.

Treat her parents with all the respect you can gather. In the way you talk, behave and what opinions you choose to express.

Some Japanese girls rebel against the patriarchal culture, though, and will get pregnant before meeting the parents as an excuse to get married.

The parents know they can’t say no in such a situation, so they begrudgingly accept.

If you end up getting serious about a Japanese girl, you owe it to yourself to read up on > marrying a Japanese girl <.